If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
