It was confusing and full of hummus
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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