dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
