matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Another day, another engagement, another cat
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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