mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
