How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
