I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im holly from the hills drunk
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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