all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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