That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
