Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
