you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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