Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
