Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
