The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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