Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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