Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
