I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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