Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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