Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
