i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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