There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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