Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
