you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
