All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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