So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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