I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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