are you still at the devil's house?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
