Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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