i love accidental penises.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize
