How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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