Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize