She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
