just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
