My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
