Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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