my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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