I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
