Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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