If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
