He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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