i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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