If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
