So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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