3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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