My vagina just recognized that song.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
