Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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