You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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