Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
