Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
