party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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