im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize