Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
