I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
