YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
