no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
