Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
