i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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