my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
