please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
