I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
