True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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