Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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