I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
