Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
