She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
