Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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