Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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