i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
