You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
