Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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