I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
