so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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