i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
