oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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