no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
