I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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